somethingtoavenge | Appointments

[Unfortunately the guilt is kind of on her shoulders. But it's also kind of on Clint's and kind of on his own. Not that he's going to blame her, but that doesn't make it any less true. Even if he refuses to acknowledge that.

Phil shrugs again, hunting down the second couch pillow. It's half under the couch which makes him raise an eyebrow. But he bends over and takes it out, placing it on his lap and ends up idly tracing nonsensical designs on the fabric.]

Not really.

[~~This has sleepover vibes. Let's paint our nails and talk about boys!~~]

[She ducks her gaze at that, staring at the open space on the couch between them, falling silent for a moment before speaking again.]

Should I... apologize?

[Phil blinks in surprise.]

What for?

[Yes, he is genuinely confused by that. Even if he subconsciously knows she's partially at fault he can't bring himself to blame her consciously. Because what he feels isn't as important as making sure everyone else is okay.]

For... everything. What happened. And what happened after. [She flicks a glance up at him a moment, her green gaze steady despite the way her fingers picked restlessly at the edge of her pillow.]

I'm sorry I've been scarce. Clint leaving like he did... I hadn't expected that. it threw me.

[Followed directly by a conversation with James she'd really never wanted to have. Two strikes and she wasn't sure she wanted to face anyone else for awkward or angry fallout for a good long time. Then again, she was running out of people who mattered enough to lose.]

Ah.

[What happened, well, that's a blame that can be placed on his shoulders. What happened after... that is definitely shared by everyone. Though Coulson in the end hadn't minded it was apparent they did.

Phil doesn't say anything to her apology for being scarce. After Clint leaving like the hounds of hell were at his heels, the additional vanishing act of Natasha had actually been hurtful. But he had pushed it down, recognizing her need to figure things out on her own.]

...I wasn't expecting it either.

[Phil finds himself unable to meet her eyes, looking at his work-worn hands.

For a man who quietly prided himself in understanding his agents, that had probably been the hardest blow. Or rather first of many hard blows to a rather fragile feeling of hope and contentment.]

((ooc; Hello StoicWoobie!Phil. I was wondering if you'd show up.pets him))

[Natasha's shoulders curl inwards slightly at that, a hint of defensiveness in her posture, a flinch in her gaze as it drops to the couch again.]

Even with the warnings from everyone, I wasn't anticipating... Maybe I should have.

[It's not as if this were the first time someone had played with her head, with her emotions. Set her up for... this. It wasn't as if it made it any easier and the scars and hurts still cut just as deep.

Deeper, maybe, because these were people she trusted. They were everything.]

[While Phil wasn't meeting her gaze, her certainly could still see her slight movements. For a moment her was torn as to what he should do. Still, she was here, which means she was done avoiding him, so perhaps...

Phil shifted on the couch, until he was near but not touching Natasha, back against the back of the couch. There was another moment of hesitation before he placed an arm around her, oh so carefully. He gave a comforting squeeze.]

No. You're still human, you can't anticipate everything.

[Unfortunately.

Phil is quiet a moment, before squeezing her shoulder again. When he talks it's quiet and slightly hesitant.]

You know, I meant what I said. You both are very important to me...

[Even if marriage was a bit weird, there is no one else he'd rather come home to. There was no one more important to him than Clint and Natasha.]

[She almost tenses when his arm wraps around her - more habit and instinct than any real conscious act. But this is Coulson and she trusts him and if anyone could get close enough to do this, he's one of the few people on a very short list. In fact, it feels rather good, something she's actually been missing in the aftermath of all those warm wonderful feelings and the abrupt loss of it. And if she ends up settling in a little closer to him when he gives her shoulder a squeeze... well, she trusts he won't tell anyone.]

I'm usually just better at it.

[She glances over at him at his soft admission, her green eyes searching his face intently a moment before she gives him a small smile.]

I know that. I've known it for a while. It's mutual, you know.

[Thank god she didn't tense. That would have been disastrous at this point in time, with both approaching an almost fragile state.

Natasha choosing to settle a little closer eases some of the knots in his chest, the ones that had been there since Clint's quick exit and her avoidance.]

So am I. But well, here we are.

[Both hurting and puzzled.

Phil closes his eyes in relief before looking at Natasha again. There may be a suspicious sheen to his eyes.]

Oh good.

[He leans his head to rest against hers, unspeakably relieved and touched.]

So, it doesn't change anything, right?

[She tilts her head in to rest against his and she's grateful for this, the simple comfort of it.

She gives a quiet laugh at his question, but there's something fragile in the sound.]

I don't know. I hope not. It would be nice to have something left after all that.

[They are both rather fragile at this point, if quietly so.

Phil hums quietly.]

Nothings changed on my end.

[It's a quiet but firm statement. You could build houses on that statement and they would last through any flood. It is A Truth.

A truth he will hold even if it hurts him. Even if they hurt him. It wouldn't be new, but it's a hurt he would weather. For them, to be there when they needed him. And to watch them when they didn't.]

[She gives him a crooked smile at that and a hint of it makes it all the way to her eyes.]

Not filing the transfer paperwork just yet then, Sir?

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